The Big O

Those were the days before he started liking girls…

Dude standing next to a Bugatti Veron to Puspakom inspector, in Canto: Uncle Lim! How’s everything?

Uncle Lim: Not bad lor…

Dude, eying the Bugatti: This car more not bad ler..

Uncle Lim, cheekily: Dream on lar!! This car not suit you one… more suit James Bond. When James Bond was running around, you not born yet!!

Dude: Hey! Don’t look down on me ley! I played sand with James Bond when we’re little kids ok!

–Puspakom Wangsa Maju

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Every job has its own perils…. even the ones you get used to eventually

[roughly translated from chinese]

Middle-aged Housewife, flatly: if he dallied Indon girls then i don’t care la, but these are girls from China wor…

Ah Poh: Hmph!

Middle-aged Housewife, continues: these china girls are heartless one la, later cheat all the money how?

*Ah Poh nods gravely*

Middle-aged Housewife: That time went KL with the friends think I dunno meh? Brought the girls along also ma.. go liao come back still want to call them! *disgusted*

Ah Poh: tsk tsk..

Middle-aged Auntie: so i scolded him about how china girls are smarter at cheating money then went upstairs on aircon n slept.
(… continues to diff subject)

–KL

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Headline: Cake analogies killed again

Salesman No1, to other salesmen: Do you know when is accounts handing over my XYZ commission for April ah?

Salesman No2: Ceh!! Got such a big cake already no need to bother about that little bit of sand lah!

Sales Manager: Still money mah..

General Sales Manager, cuts in: Nooo.. such a big cake but still want the STRAWBERRYYYY. *winks*

Salesman No1: I don’t mind that much lar if they don’t give me that….

Salesman No3: Man, don’t bother about that already lar. Got your big cake already.. hehe

Salesman No1: You guys don’t understand, man. The cake is big but everyone knows the nicest part is … [together with General Sales Manager] THE STRAWBERRRYYYYYY!!!

–The Curve

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Nothing like a bad stomachache from the feast of butchered languages

[after discussing how to type chinese words into Wordpress]

29 May 08, 12:13 AM
naeboo: so mafan

29 May 08, 12:14 AM
naeboo: wanna do chinese words need to go forum copy paste

29 May 08, 12:14 AM
naeboo: diao

29 May 08, 12:14 AM
afro: @boo: y dun u teach him instead?

29 May 08, 12:15 AM
naeboo: teach him what

29 May 08, 12:15 AM
afro: teach him how to curse

29 May 08, 12:16 AM
ck: he copy cursing word nia

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: oh

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
ck: actually if know pin yin… no need the program to read out also lar

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: why alw kena the teach ppl how to curse request one

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: thats why lazy mah. i alw pinyin or type out the chinese parts ald

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: lazy

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
ck: if dunno chinese, better just use the english chinese translation program lo

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
ck: http://translate.google.com/translate_t

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
naeboo: lei lou muo bei yann garn deep deep been gao charsiew lou shu fun

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
naeboo: ck>>is it better than babel?

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
Dodo: boo.. wat does that mean

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
Dodo: mix?

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
naeboo: ur mother kena rape deep deep become a piece of charsiew loushu fun

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: garn is mandarin lah

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: ho lang garn

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
naeboo: sorry .. i was thinking of chee cheong fan

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: ops… hokkien

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
ck: ho* kiong garn geh garn

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Dodo: jeez man! my canto sucks!

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
naeboo: bei yan garn= give ppl rape not canto meh

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: oh

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: garn meaning the rape

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: okok

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
afro: i’m hungry after hearin chucheongfun n charsiu

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
ck: gam dou ngum sek

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Dodo: i thought raped = kiong gan

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: i thought its the hokkien… ho lang garn

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: that garn

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: SAT BAI

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: that’s gan

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
Chee Hoe: sat bai chi chung gei sut bai!

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
Dodo: hong rou gan? <--- adrian.. u've been thinking about food heh

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
afro: sat pai jing sat pai

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: shit… not hong rou kan lar

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
as: lol?

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
Chee Hoe: ya lah different

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: ho* lang gan

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Dodo: okok.. come again.. im confused

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
ck: also known as bei yan diu

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
afro: get a wong lou kat instead

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
naeboo: bei yann garn is better ma

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Chee Hoe: but bo* swear word too cute to be swearing

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
naeboo: EEEEEEEEEE

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Dodo: LOL

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
naeboo: why ppl alw laugh when i swear oneeeeeeeeeeeee

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Dodo: CUTE?! WTF

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
afro: hor lang gan is in hokkien

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Chee Hoe: yeah lah…. way cute to sound as if its swearing

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
naeboo: machaohaipukitianganjingkerbaubabipangangmatiterkangkanggggg

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: yeah.. of all the comments u left over the forum.. i had a good laugh at it . boo

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Chee Hoe: i know a thai word

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: wait.. i need a time to get wat she said

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Chee Hoe: lam pa pit liao = the shop is closed

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
ck: hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
afro: wah, mus u include balls, CH?

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: wait…

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: wat anjing kerbau babi pangang mati terkangkang

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
ck: nick lan pa pak bo liao

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Dodo: front i cant get it

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Chee Hoe: afro… in thai thats really what it mean leh

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: lampah pangang?

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: machaohai pukitiang

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Chee Hoe: machaohai pukitiang

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
afro: oh, isit? nvr heard of it

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: ohhh

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Chee Hoe: machaohai is frangrant ham chin peng

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Dodo: hahahahaha

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Dodo: i cant stop laughing

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: hahahahahha

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
afro: wats nex? lam pa boh laio = shop opens nex week?

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Dodo: lam pah pak lang <--- ds one leh

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
afro: lam pah diok gum = shop sellin sausage

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Chee Hoe: lampah duah teh is new tea bag in thailand

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
naeboo: diao

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Chee Hoe: wah sei… lam pah eh pak lang?

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Dodo: hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Dodo: lppl mah

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Chee Hoe: the shop owner beat up who?

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
naeboo: lampah pak kiu= football shop

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
afro: pak lang eh lam pah = pak lang’s shop

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
ck: kiong gan lar…

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
ck: hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Chee Hoe: new translation

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Dodo: QOTD

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Dodo: hahaha

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
afro: lampah boh kiu = lost package

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
ck: wrong

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Chee Hoe: tiu chee pet = “throw a pen” in Cantonese

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Dodo: lam pah kiu jui <--- ds one leh

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
ck: lampah boh kiu = N!CK

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
naeboo: lampah dio kah=shop having super salesss!!

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Dodo: boo.. hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
afro: lam pah boh jui

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
afro: water rationing

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Dodo: kiu jui <--- shrink lah

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
naeboo: lampah boh jui= shop no toilet

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Dodo: lam pah kiu jiu <--- bankrupt?

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
afro: then u cant visit the restroom

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Chee Hoe: lampah uu jui = shop toilet overflowing

29 May 08, 12:29 AM
afro: lam pah doh liao = bankrupt

29 May 08, 12:29 AM
Dodo: lam pah sey tang

29 May 08, 12:29 AM
naeboo: lampah seh leh= quaint kampung shop

29 May 08, 12:29 AM
Chee Hoe: diu chi pet

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
naeboo: lampah sii ley= shop opened for franchise applications!

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
afro: CH, y u kept throwin pen?

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
naeboo: =[4 biji]

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Ren: booo: quote all!!! put at coffeeshop!!! HAHAHA

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
CheeHoe is DUMB: cheehoe, eff off.

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Dodo: yeah.. thats funny enough

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Chee Hoe: afro : a lot of pen over here

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Ren: some 1 open thread n put all in XD

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
afro: i c

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
sherry: omg.. hahahahhahahahhahaha

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
afro: how big r they?

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Michael: sherry: why OMG?

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Chee Hoe: afro : various sizes

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
afro: can u send them to MARS?

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Chee Hoe: actually language is such wonderful things

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
naeboo: lampah jii liap= single shop operation

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Chee Hoe: like ching ching = cheers in spanish

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
afro: oh wait, NASA did that, y dun usend them to venus instead

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
sherry: mike: cz i just LOL-ed in front of my dad who thinks im crazy laughing alone…

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Michael: sherry: LOL.. what’s new ? LOL …

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Ren: dodo: faster go open thread XD

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Michael: imagine those of us that’s at work… :p staffs/colleagues see that happening everyday

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Dodo: LOL

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
afro: well sherry, tell ur dad u belong to the happy institution

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
naeboo: duah seh lampah= parent shop with smaller outlet

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: lampah lampah= gay sex shop

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
sherry: cz i’ve been hving mood swings all day. and i think my mum think’s ‘ve gone mad.. wahahhaa

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: HAHAHAHAHAH

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
Dodo: hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
Ren: ROTFLMAO WTF!!!

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: KEKEKEKEKEKEK

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
afro: mad is gud

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: : D

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
Dodo: i cant stop laughin.. fuck.. i need to control!

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: HAHAHAHAHA

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
afro: :3

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: i senyum kambing

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: blame boo!

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: boo: faster leh, open a thread n put in it XD

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: *whacks *

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: lazy lar

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: i need to go sleep ald

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
afro: ya, dun laugh till u pee

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: u copy la

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Michael: *yawns* *leans on Dodo’s chest and sleep*

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: ok…

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: dodo do it la, dodo free :p

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: lampah phi phi= island shop

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: HAHAHAHa

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: cheh..

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: u do lah

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: ….

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: lampah wat? WTF!

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: HAHAHAHA..

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Chee Hoe: lampah bo lampah = sex change hospital

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Dodo: boo.. u shd sleep d.

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
naeboo: phi phi island in thailand u dont knw meh

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Ren: boo: roger XD

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
naeboo: it started from there mah.. ho* started to translate thai for us

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Dodo: *fans herself ..*

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Dodo: HAHAHAHA

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
naeboo: ===>the beautiful thai language

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
afro: lam pah jin kui = sex change operation xpensive

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
sherry: omg boo! stop!!! LMAO.. i’m already hving stomach cramps and ur making it worse ><

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Chee Hoe: krabi lampah = crab island

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Michael: lam lam pah pah

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Ren: ?

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Ren: wat title shud i put? “DEFINITIONS of LAMPAH”

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
afro: i think kenny’s post has phiphi island review

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Chee Hoe: i started off as a real thai word lah

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Chee Hoe: mana tau the kscb language all come out

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: as usual lar

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Dodo: boo beautified everything.. LOL

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: alw got one.. this is the less funny one ald

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: im not even lol

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: im not even lol-ing

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Dodo: alright.. sleep now..

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: i also

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
afro: gudnite

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: tata

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: nite guys .

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
sherry: Dodo: boo beautified everything.. LOL <-- she's my idol!!!

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Chee Hoe: nitey

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
afro: i’ll wait 4 everyone to KO

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
aclj87: *struggling to maintain self-control… must not have second jelly donut!*

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
aclj87: nah some asian bakery lol

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
aclj87: was waaaaaay too early for work so went shopping

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
naeboo: i cant even speak hokkien

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
aclj87: and craved sugar more than i craved for sex

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Dodo: boo.. nvm.. lets have the hakka version

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
naeboo: okies lampah kee kunn liao

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
ck: now u can curse in hokkien d

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Michael: aclj: is it nice? LOL … how was the texture/ take a bite and see

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Dodo: HAHAHA.. lampah kee kun… shrink d huh

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Michael: craved for sugar more than sex? that’s bad wei

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
afro: gudnite boo

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
aclj87: :D

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
naeboo: lampah kee kunn=shop change shift

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
afro: bad 4 health

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
afro: at least sex burn sugar

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: lampah ding teh= shop closed for the nite

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: HAHAHAHAH

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: BOOOOOOOOOOOO

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: enough. tats enough

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: : D

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Chee Hoe: i thought thats “lampah wong fei hung”?

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: mwah

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
sherry: nites dodoa n boo

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Michael: aclj: krispy kreme?

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
steph k: goin 2 bed now

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
aclj87: michael, i wish

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
steph k: nanitez all

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: my hokkien also not that bad eh

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: taaaaaa

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: no no no..

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
afro: haha, everyone is goin KO

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
Dodo: leave that for tmr… boo .. go sleep

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
sherry: nites stephy!!!!!! mwahs~

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
afro: ur hokkien is superb

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
steph k: lol

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
steph k: nanites

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
Michael: alli: then? j-co?

29 May 08, 12:40 AM
Chee Hoe: hakka…. i only know…. “anyong tou chor mm tet….anyong hair tiu che pet”

29 May 08, 12:40 AM
afro: then how bout lam pah boh eng?

29 May 08, 12:40 AM
Michael: lam pah pet pet

29 May 08, 12:41 AM
afro: lam pah nen nen

29 May 08, 12:42 AM
afro: oh,that chat dieoffd

29 May 08, 12:42 AM
afro: too bad

29 May 08, 12:42 AM
Michael: afro killed the CB

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Denial, the other food group

Woman on cell: Ah, apa nak makan malam nih?
[pause]
Pancake tu bukan makanan!!

–Midvalley The Gardens

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Proof that inter-state culture shock do happen even amongst literate people

Girl, nonchalantly: I’m going to KK this weekend. What do you want from there?

Himbo: Nothin’.

Girl, muttering: I wonder if I will be tired flying there for 2hours.

Himbo: What??! KK is like, 2hours’ drive from here. Why do you need to fly over? Geez.

Girl: KK is across the ocean. What you mean no need to fly over?

Himbo: What KK are we talking about here? Not Kuala Kangsar meh?

Girl, rolls eyes: I don’t think people EVEN refer to Kuala Kangsar as KK.

Himbo: Well.. I DO! *whimpers* At least, from where I come from!

–Bangsar

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